Happy Tree Friends...

Ok well... I thought Tom & Jerry and Looney Tunes were bad when I was growing up... This even takes Itchy & Scratchy to another level... These furry critters get into some crazy hijinks that the makers of the game mortal kombat would be envious of... Just check it out... Even though it is animated, those who are squemish should still not look... its rather graphic... don't let the cute furry appearance fool you!

http://www.happytreefriends.com/

No Laughing Matter...

You know... I am usually a very happy person... I mean I try to be. Sometimes you have one of those days (weekends) where nothing seems to go right. The better man would find the humor in the situations of the previous few days. All I see is pure unadulterated crapola! Yes I said it, crapola... First, the setup... I bring my car to pep boys to get fixed finally after it sitting in my driveway for way too long. They diagnose the problem as being just a fuel pump... About a year ago we had the fuel pump changed at Pep Boys so like the thought of that being the problem when the car was maybe driven 60 miles seems questionable... but maybe they f'ed up or something... either way I don't know shit about cars. So I wait the day out with plans to get it registered and smogged on Saturday. Friday night about an hour before they close they call me to let me know that it is fixed and ready for me to pick up. So I rush excitedly with my mother to go pick up my car. I also pick up a rear view mirror repair kit as my mirror fell off (damn lousy adhesive). In the morning I got outsite and install the rear view mirror before I bring my kids to their mother's house. Ok so that goes well... 30 minutes later after it is done drying I try to move the car out of the way so I can use my mother's car to go and drop the kids off... No go... it doesn't start... same bullshit as before... FUCKING PEP BOYS!!! I TOLD EM IT WASN'T THE DAMN FUEL PUMP!!! Well I call them up pissed, they tell me to get it towed to them and they will cover it... no charge. Ok fine I go along with it... The tow truck guy gets here and asks me what is wrong with it... I tell him that it wont start and he checks something under they hood and has me try to start it... He says the control panel (or module, again I don't know jack about cars) isn't functioning properly... its not sparking the spark plugs. Ok so what the fuck... this dude within like 10 mins finds a problem that these fucks at Pep Boys haven't noticed in the 2 times previous I have brought the damn car up there. C'mon people... where they fuck did you get your car repair training? He even shows me where the fuel pump is and why there diagnostics tests would point to it being the fuel pump even when the fuel pump isn't bad. Ok so more than likely I have had the fuel pump changed twice for no fucking reason...about 500 dollars total down the fucking toilet. ASSHOLES! So I call them telling them what the tow truck driver as told me... Sir we will have to see if that is the problem when we get it... there will be no further charges for repairs... we are sorry its not working... the end... lah lah fucking lah... I can already tell by the tone of his voice that they are not paying any heed to what I have him about the car. So I let the day go by giving they the benefit of the doubt (even thought at this point they don't deserve that). I call first thing this Morning to see if they found out the problem... Yea its the fuel pump... we installed the wrong one the other day... WHAT! THE FUEL PUMP!?! OK, NOW I AM PISSED! Its not the fucking fuel pump... its the god damn retards trying to fix my car... that is what is fucking wrong... I calm myself down and say... how can it be the fuel pump you have already replaced the damn thing twice... the car still isn't working... there has to be something else wrong with it... he still says its the fuel pump and they are waiting for the right one... I say whatever... he hangs up... Now I am pissed... he fucking hung up on me... FUCK HIM! FUCK PEP BOYS! You know deep down this shit is comical... I mean really... a bunch of fucking monkeys getting paid like 8.50 an hour to fuck my car up and not fix it right... thanks alot... Could you be any more efficiant... The fucking tow truck guy said it would have taken him about 15 mins to change a fuel pump in my vehicle... It took them all day Friday... and now they are waiting for the right fuel pump... my fucking ass they are... whatever... I guess I just gotta wait... I think what pisses me off most is that for 2 years it was in the fucking driveway ready to be driven but I didn't have my license... Now I have my license and I can't get the fucking thing running... Is it a sign... am I not supposed to drive... if I actually believed in "signs" then yea maybe it would be some kinda omen... but I believe in that about as much as I believe in jolly ol fucking saint nick... Rant Rave Rave and Rant... Filth and Foul Foul and Filth... I mean what the fuck?!? I wanna somehow end on a high note but I just wasted four hours of my life watching a god awful MTV VMA's... No Host... No Funny... A few ok to good musical performances and a bunch of lackluster moments... A very unmemorable awards... Even Chappelle, a man who is on fire at the moment, didn't bring his A game... I felt gipped... I invested 4 hours of my life on a show that just didn't live up to the hype... I knew it was a bad sign when fucking J.Lo started the show... Everything she touches lately turns to shit... Fuck J.Lo... Fuck her in her big nice round latin ass... I hope J.Lo like it... err I mean... dies... I think the best moment at the show was seeing Mandy Moore and Marilyn Manson side by side... God I love Mandy Moore... what is it about women who are taller than me... I have an unnatural attraction to both her and Aiesha Tyler... They are both like 6 feet tall... like 6'2" with heels... I would be a damn midget at 5'10 1/2" I mean... anyway... I don't know what I am saying anymore... damn babbling like a brook... night folks...

I Spit Hot Fire Like Godzilla with Diarrhea

I don't know what to say but for some reason that came into my head... I figured that might give you all a laugh... you know, all 3 of you who might be reading this site...

Man... I hate people...

everyone needs to learn to lighten up and laugh more... seems Sascha Baron Cohen is in trouble now for the clip I linked to the other day...

One word... STUPID


Anti-Semitic song gets Ali G. in trouble

people watching...

The other day I was at the Palms having a drink with a friend and we were just watching people at the Blackjack tables. Some of the people and their reactions... just for some reason didn't fit Blackjack. Maybe I fail to see the true excitment in blackjack... but I guess anything where you are winning money can get you excited. But anyway it got me thinking about this character I can do when I start doing my "act". Hopefully it will go over well... I know I was busting up thinking about the possiblities of this character. I would spoil the details and just give it away but ya know I don't want someone else to start doing it before I get a chance too... I don't need people stealing my act before I even have my act all together. Anyway there is a little hint in this post but nothing too obvious. Trevor, you know what I am talking about... remember the blonde haired guys at the table... ;)

Salad Rendered Unhealthy in Three Steps

PINE BLUFF, AR—A nutritious meal was rendered unhealthy in three easy steps Monday, when area resident Kimberly Lowen, 24, added ranch dressing, grated cheese, and four crumbled strips of bacon to a bowl of romaine lettuce and tomatoes. "Who says not eating right has to take a lot of time?" Lowen said. "It only took minutes to prepare a salad that will provide me with my daily recommended intake of fat and sodium." Lowen has previously rendered a glass of skim milk unhealthy, simply by adding ice cubes and chocolate syrup and mixing it in a blender on low.

from The Onion

Comedy off the Cuff...

Well I went to my first live improv show tonight... It was at the Hot Rod Grille in Henderson. The improv group was pretty good... you could tell that a lot of the performers are pretty new to the improv game but they still put on a show with lots of laughs. I felt like I was holding back the whole night cause I really wanted to get up there and participate as well. I gotta get over my damn introvertedness... I know most of it is just my own damn unhappiness with the way I look. Its ok, when you are making people laugh they forget about your flaws and focus on your funny :) This one woman who I have been talking to a bit online, as she has been studying with Second City here in Vegas. She performed tonight, her name is Micha (pronounced My-kuh), she did a pretty good job out there. I look forward to going to another show. At the end of the show she told me that they end up rotating in and out people a lot so it tends to breakdown a bit of the cohesiveness of the group. I am sure they are going to get better. I thought they were pretty damn good already. Well anyway... after tonight I still wanna get up on that stage and perform... so I am definatly still on the laugh track. Oh and Micha's blog is here, http://sidewaysfalling.blogspot.com/

Throw The Jew Down The Well

Ok I am not anti-Semitic and neither is the man who made this song. It is Sascha Baron Cohen aka Ali G, He himself is Jewish but this song and basically how everyone reacts is priceless... One of the things I find funniest in life is how people react normal to odd or almost impossible situations. Instead of everyone taking offense to this song they actually get into it and sing along. Go to this site and check out the clip!!! You will laugh... And if you don't you might want to schedule a trip to the shrink today ;)

throwthejewdownthewell.com

Personal Life A Total Waste Of Time

the Onion is the best... If you don't go there weekly you should start going!

Personal Life A Total Waste Of Time
ALTOONA, PA—Stockbroker Donald Guy, 38, announced Monday that his non-work life is "a complete waste of time." "I spent the weekend reading, watching movies, and visiting friends." Guy said. "I didn't get a damn thing done." He added that he might have gotten more accomplished Sunday had he not been burdened with the need to go swimming with his wife and children.

The Onion - Personal Life A Total Waster Of Time

This Blog is for...

Ok this blog is going to be the diary of my comedic career... Foxy Brown had the Ill Nana... well I got the Ill Haha...

This is the first post and well nothing has really happened in my comedy career except the decision of that being my passion... What I should be best at... What I feel I am best suited for in my life.

Check back frequently!